I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
