his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
