I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
