i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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