that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
