but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
