Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm both gender and math confused
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
