she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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