You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
