I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
