just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
