And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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