I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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