I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i now understand why vodka
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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