i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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