just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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