Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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