I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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