when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
