He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
