So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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