i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
