I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
