his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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