I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
