you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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