I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
