i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
