i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
