it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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