So gin and wine won't be happening again
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
