I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
