I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
