just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
