Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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