I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
