Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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