Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
