yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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