VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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