she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
