WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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