Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
