I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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