i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
