You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
