we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
