Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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