My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
