Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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