I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
